I don't know.

"What is your next step?"


I don't know.


"Are you going back to school?"

I don't know.

"What are your goals?"

I don't know.


"So what, you've just given up on baking?"

No. But baking doesn't pay my bills.


"I thought going to pastry school was the whole reason you moved to Chicago"

No. The whole reason I moved to Chicago was to get away from certain people and have new experiences. The decision didn't revolve around baking but if you have sixteen grand lying around throw it my way and I'll be happy to start pastry school. Otherwise, shut up.


I feel like my life consists of getting asked these questions over and over again. Like they are on a CD stuck on repeat. The person that asks me usually asks like they are offended when I answer "I don't know". Like they are victims of my "wasted potential"or something when in reality, maybe they should think of how completely embarrassing that is to admit. I don't know.

I am the type of person who gets a idea for a career or business and totally throws myself into the idea.. Until the next one comes. This has caused everyone to not take me seriously when I try to tell them the next big plan. A couple people I have told about my newest plan have actually said "oh it is just a phase, you'll be over this in no time". Thanks for the support. Honestly though, can I blame them for having that outlook? How many ideas have I started and then abandoned? The cycle usually goes like this:

Idea-Excitement-Complete devotion to idea-Telling family and friends-Total discouragement- Idea thrown in the trash.

I guess what they don't know is I can read through statements like this: "Yeah.. Uh, thats good but what about starting a bakery? I thought you were going to do that?". I know that means "Yeah I don't like this idea, can we go back to the bakery?"

I am standing still. Not moving. Grasping at air.

When I was an employee I was working towards becoming a Manager. Once I was a Manager I worked towards becoming a Senior Manager. Now that I am a Senior Manager, I have nothing else to work towards because being a General Manager of a movie theater is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. People keep telling me that I should work towards that anyway. Why? What is the point of working towards something that I don't want to do? What a waste of time and effort. Every day I go to work, count money, come home, sleep ridiculous hours, and repeat. There is no learning, there is no progressing. Which would be fine, I wouldn't have to constantly be learning something if I was doing what I want to be doing.

"Just wait"


Two words that I am so tired of hearing. Why tell me to wait to start something that I want to do? What am I waiting for? For the site to build itself? For the inventory to stock itself? For the business license to come in the mail without me applying for it? What? When is it going to be the perfect time? There is never a perfect time for things like getting married, having a baby, or starting a business. Those are things that you can never be prepared enough for. You can never have "enough" money saved. You just have to jump.


"You just want to do something else so bad you'll do anything. You just grab any idea that comes to you and run with it like this one will work when it won't."

You're a jerk.


Today, my best answer is simply, I don't know. Today, that is all I have.

Because honestly, I don't know where I will be in ten years. I don't know where I will be in five, or two, or even one.

All I know is what I am doing today. Going to work, counting money, going home, sleeping ridiculous hours, and praying that I won't be repeating forever.

"I Hate Valentines Day"

Remember the movie "Valentines Day" that came out last year? It had every famous person alive in it? Well Jessica Biel's character was a mess the whole day because she hated Valentines Day. She even went so far as to have a "I Hate Valentines Day Party". Now I may be a newlywed, completely in love and all that jazz, but I love that idea.

My feelings about Valentines Day are mixed. I love all of the hearts and pink things you see when you go in a supermarket but the actual day? Eh, not so much. Every year I build it up in my head even though I PROMISED myself the previous year that I wouldn't do that again and then... Something always happens. One Valentines Day, I spent 3 hours at a gas station in my car that was broken down and my cell phone was dead. I just had to wait for someone to find me. That was a great one.

 Last year was the worst because my brother had gone into the hospital for a serious condition the day before. My husband (Then Fiance), bless his heart, has never really "gotten" holidays. He doesn't really see why they are important. I remember walking up to him at work last year and saying "So.. You really didn't get me anything? Like, I am not going to go home and find flowers, am I?" Poor thing, didn't know what to say. He just stuttered a little and said "I thought with everything going on with your brother, you wouldn't even want to think about Valentines Day"... Oh, men.. Their logic is so completely backwards sometimes.

So these cookies are for all the girls that consider themselves "chronically single", for the girl that just broke up with her boyfriend of four years, for the cynics that refuse to buy into a "Hallmark Holiday", for those of us whose husbands/boyfriends/ whatever has to work that day, and for everyone else that just hasn't ever had a good Valentines Day.

Valentines Day King Cake?

I admit it, I had no purple, green, and yellow sprinkles on hand... But I would like to say that I just wanted this Kings Cake to be a Valentines Day treat lol.

Have I always lived near New Orleans? Yes. Have I ever had King Cake? No. Surprising, I know, it is basically a sin and I am not sure how it happened. It just never looked appealing to me. At this time of year back home the superstores are filled with them though so I thought I would bring a little home to Chicago for Colin's sake, at least.

The recipe can be found here.

It was fairly easy to make but it took a long of time because you have to wait on the dough to rise twice. I used a cream cheese filling instead of the one on the recipe but I wish I wouldn't have. I don't know what happened, but the filling was not very good. The bread is delicious and the glaze on top makes it even better but I won't even give the website I got the filling recipe off of lol. Just go with the brown sugar filling, I am sure it is delicious lol.

Please Forgive Me...

For being absent lately...

When I got home from my parents house last week I was prepared to bake like crazy and get several posts scheduled... Unfortunately, my immune system had other plans and I came down with a virus! Oh no! I am on the mend now but of course, Colin has it now.

As soon as I can get this house sickness free, King Cake is on the menu!

Get ready :)
I know I am.

Chocolate Chip Pound Cake

I think this picture does a good job of showing you how used this recipe has been. My Mom got the recipe from a Southern Living Magazine when I was little and has been making it ever since. When I found out how much Colin loves it, (he ate half of the cake by himself) I knew I had to try it myself.

Don't look at me like that, you can't taste the sour cream.

The recipe calls for semisweet chocolate chips but I only had the mini semisweet on had so I used half a cup of those and half a cup of milk chocolate chips. You can mix and match however you would like.

Southern Living's Chocolate Chip Pound Cake

Recipe:

1 (18.25 oz.) yellow cake mix with pudding

1 (3.9 oz.) pkg. instant chocolate pudding

1/2 cup sugar

3/4 cup vegetable oil

3/4 cup water

4 large eggs

1 (8oz.) carton sour cream

1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Sifted powdered sugar

 Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Start by getting a bundt pan ready by greasing and flouring it.Combine the first three ingredients, stirring with a wire whisk to remove large lumps. Add oil and next three ingredients, stirring until smooth. Stir in chocolate chips. Pour batter into your greased and floured 12 cup bundt pan. Bake for 1 hour or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Cool cake in pan on wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove from pan and cool completely on a wire rack. Sprinkle with powdered sugar. Dig in immediately.

Ooey Gooey chocolate chips.

This cake is honestly super delicious. You can't beat a piece of this and a glass of milk for a healthy nutritious breakfast snack after supper.. :)